School 1-0-Government rules.

My son was asked what he would like to do when he was older and that morning as he was coming to school he saw a driving instructor car so he said he wanted to do that. Luckily this guy is a Parent Governor and agreed to have a chat to him as long as we thought it was ok so of course school wanted to boost his confidence and give him a reward. The guy has seen him a few times-once a week for the past few weeks and we thought that he was seeing him while others went out to play and that the first chat we knew he had with him was in the morning while others did maths and english but we thought that would be the only time he would disturb his lessons. Last week the guy wanted to have a quick chat with us as we had never me him and we suddenly realised that he was actually being taken out of his english lesson to see this guy! This rightly concerned us-he has learning difficulties, is dyslexic and is about 3 years behind in english on some levels-he still doesn't put spaces in between his words and yep he is 10! then the other day we found out that he didn't come on the usual day he came on a different day-you should never change a child's routine who has ADHD-it doesn't sit well. To top it all he told us that he will be going out in his driving car while there s a person taking a driving lesson! Now this is where it gets ironic-Kaine can't go on a school trip this Monday even though he will have one to one support because they see him as too risky to keep safe..yet they are allowing him to sit in a moving car with 2 people in the front who he practically doesn't know and he has to sit in silence for an hour and not be silly-these people have no experience of what Kaine is like behaviour wise-what happens if he messes about, he can put people in danger but the real kicker is they think it is ok! over my dead body-if school say he can go driving then he can go on a bluddy school trip with people that know what he's like-think they have over stepped the mark here and guess what-no one asked us if he was allowed to be taken out of school with 2 people and one of them will be a total stranger-do they think I wouldn't mind because I want him to have a nice time-get real! Kaine knows that each time he sees the guy he is missing the lesson, yes a vital lesson that the Government declare as one of the vital lessons that a child should not miss especially against a chat with a guy to learn about driving and how to be responsible whilst driving! I appreciate that we are all trying to boost his confidence but when it comes to missing his education then tuff-my foot is placed firmly on the ground and right in the middle of it all-yep they will see me as the bad person as I am declining Kaine of something but I don't give a hoot now. If I went to the education authority and told them what was happening then I know there would be heads rolling. Kaine is at school to learn and he can miss his dinner play or morning play or music or games or physical education but he will not be missing maths or english as far as I am concerned and he will definitely not be going for a ride in a car with people who have no idea how to sort Kaine out if he reacts! Are people so blind with making Kaine happy that they forget that Kaine is manipulating them and that he needs help with school work more than he needs to be in a car playing at being a driving instructor when he doesn't care whether he wants to be one or not! The week before he wanted to be a formula one driver, a policeman, a car mechanic! So naive and it isn't helping Kaine as when he gets to big school there will be no pussy footing around it it will be such a shock that it could cause more harm than good....... www.AnimalAgentz.com http://darkangel6976.stumbleupon.com

Not 100% happy but it will have to do!

So we waited and waited for the report to come from the clinical psychologist, it was over due for a week and the school really need it so they can send off for Kaine's Statement of Educational Needs, school have rung him and asked where it is and so have I! I got a call on Friday to say that Kaine's session was cancelled due to Dr Taylor being ill so I asked yet again for his report and was politely told that it had been sent to the Educational Psychologist and to the GP-what about school as they are the ones that needed it a week ago! Apparently they aren't getting one and as for us well ours is sat in their office waiting to be picked up-cheeky sods so Nick got on the phone and told them to post it asap....they did and it arrived yesterday! Well to say the least the grammar was off-seems someone doesn't know how to use a spell checker! Apparently I was married to Kaine's father-NOT TRUE. Apparently Kaine had been doing great at his new school until the end of July-NOT TRUE-he went about a month and then differences were seen and I have evidence to prove it...yes he wasn't physically attacking people until then but there were concerns. Apparently Kaine's behaviour started to go downhill from when I was pregnant-NOT TRUE-it happened months before this! The list goes on but you get my picture! It mentions the school and how they need help and it mentions that unless help is put into place that he won't be able to access mainstream school, it mentions that the educational psychologist is concerned and even though Kaine has learning difficulties it is his behaviour that is having the biggest impact. It also goes on to say that while Dr Taylor saw Kaine he was polite, well behaved and showed o signs of Oppositional Defiance Disorder-well I didn't bluddy diagnose him so that ain't my problem and of course he will be fine-he is sat playing with bluddy toys you nit wit! Try asking him to wash his face and then you will see his bluddy defiance, try bringing in another child and he will soon feel threatened that he will loose Dr Taylor to this other child and then he will show his true colours of attack! But in Dr Taylor's favour he did say that it did appear that Kaine was choosing when and how to react but this was due to him being unable to emotionally rationalise the fact that it is ok to have more than one friend and that everyone around him isn't a potential threat and that Kaine can break and mend friendships-he just doesn't have the capability of able able to do this. the main thing which we needed in that report was for him to directly say what he said in that room of 15 witnesses and guess what--he didn't say it direct at all which is absolutely ironic especially when he is demanding it. Ok I know Dr Taylor is a wee bit young and he has only been to one other multi meeting before but he has to have balls as pussy footing around the social services and not being direct won't get us shit! He demanded therapeutic respite care and wanted it asap but in his report he says that we need therapeutic care and we as parents need support....I hope for his sake he has sent a different direct letter requesting what Kaine needs to social services because they are already not willing to help and if they see it as they aren't being directly asked then they ain't guna budge at all. I feel like I am working with a bunch of amateurs, we haven't even had the minutes of the meeting, social services don't want to help and the educational psychologist is retiring in December and he is trying to get the SEN under way but will read the report and it doesn't directly say what it needs to say to be able to flaming help Kaine at all! When will people learn to listen and then do things properly-no wonder the system fails so many children! www.AnimalAgentz.com http://darkangel6976.stumbleupon.com

Monday morning meeting....that went into the afternoon!

Well there was about 15 people in that room, all pen and papers in hand. Some smiles and some not so smiley. It dragged on and felt a little disheartening at times, I even cried but I never wiped away the tears. I didn't get angry and I didn't go round and round the trees like I usually do...I said my bit and listened attentively and spoke when I was asked to....OK well when I was first asked if I wanted to add anything me and my husband both said 'no'. We didn't need to say anything at that point (believe me I'd usually stick the boot in right there but my tactics today were different). The people who needed to stand strong did so and I was a bit impressed by this, the people that were there to kick me in the teeth tried to and looked really stupid in front of others and....yep it was a long time coming for that ultimate feeling of 'ha not so big now are you when others see you like I always have-an agency that are trying to make this not work because you're pissed at me for standing up to you!) The sad thing was that yet again no one wanted to become the Lead Professional and in a meeting with that many agencies there and work to be undertaken, there dam well should have been...I made the polite joke to ease the tension by saying @it's one of those jobs that no-one wants to take on'. So what happened...everyone said what work had been undertaken and what was still going on, the educational psychologist is now going a different route and applying for a Statement of Educational Needs based on Kaine's emotional and behavioural difficulties, the clinical psychologist will continue to work with Kaine but this will keep having no impact as me and Nick had said when he asked us if things had got better or worse with Kaine. The clinical psychologist said he was thankful for our honesty as we said that mine and Nick's relationship has deteriorated due to the situation and stress that Kaine is having on us, we are arguing and blaming each other which makes me really sad and upset. So many people have in the past felt it was easier to blame me and when all are involved and you see no improvement you start to question yourself-am I making Kaine like this. The NCH are at a stale mate as Kaine refuses to go to Boys Brigade and I am standing firm with my son and not forcing him to go. School and the SENCO are paying for Kaine to have 1-2-1 support out of their own budget and are just about managing but it isn't going anywhere as Kaine is too far gone at the present moment to receive an education. So the push for the SEN is vital and needed like yesterday as the process takes 6 months and he is going to big school in Sept-the clock is yet again against us. I put a few people right on stuff...I made my views known that we aren't sitting on our backside and not allowing Kaine to do anything, we are trying every possible approach to get him socialized with others and to go to clubs-you can't force a kid to do anything that they don't want to do and it is not a good idea to force Kaine to go to something when he doesn't want to just so he can be kicked out within 45 mins! That is bad for his confidence. The meeting made everyone aware how clearly disturbed and troubled my son is to the point of nothing is working now, the issues he has are so deep rooted that he has closed himself off to all and right now he ain't letting anyone in....so you sit there and they ask you what do you think will help....I told the truth....'what if no-one can help, what if this is who Kaine is, is this all that is left for my son, is my son's life over before it has begun because agencies don't do there jobs and money is tight, do we throw him away because it's too much for people to fight.' my point was noted and my tears were seen-the impact was seen of how our life is affected so much by a child so deeply screwed up that help is not helping anymore. The chairperson was neutral and she saw the impact and she stood strong and firm and said right how do we make this change, how can we make sure this child has a life that is for living and that the parents get the help. Then he spoke, the clinical psychologist, he is a wise yet young man who stood up to the people that wouldn't help before and said 'my request is respite care', of course the agencies who would deal with this were of the opinion that it wouldn't help and it could end with him being more with a foster carer than at home to the point of us not wanting him back at all so of course I raised my voice in a way where I was not threatening and said 'I love my son and don't want him in foster care, I want him to be happy and I am fighting because my son deserves to be happy'. She had also tried to imply that if he is loved by a foster mum and then comes back and there is nothing then this is a negative thing, so yet again I made it quite clear that love and affection is there on a plate to my son, I have not rejected him, I take his crap on a daily basis and have done for over 9 years and I haven't pushed him away yet! The clinical psychologist came to our defense and made his intentions clear-the only way to help Kaine is to put him into respite care for several periods and then to slowly let him build back up the relationships with us that he has destroyed....funnily enough the 'Agency' said we don't have resources like that, we need a specialist team for Kaine not just a usual foster carer...and then the educational psychologist said yes this is what we need to make sure this troubled young man gets the help he is needed and he supported the respite care idea...ha ha more against you! The only thing is everyone in the room didn't know she had already refused us respite care twice before..but then the chairperson intervened and hey presto she told everyone this...heads looked at the Agency (that felt good!) So two professionals request it and back it up and the 'agency' say they will hand it to the Panel who will decide whether we get it....me I am not optimistic, the 'agency' has a way of making them side with her, she has already tried to manipulate the risk assessment we asked for regarding our daughters safety and thankfully the psychiatrist was there and riped her to bits! I should stay positive but its hard when you know that the people that can offer you what you need are the ones that really despise you! Hmmm schooling, Kaine is so screwed up that he needs not any S.E.N but he needs a dedicated one that clearly pinpoints that Kaine will not function unless he goes to a special school but not just any special school-apparently Kaine needs to go to a special school that is specifically for kids with emotional and behavioural difficulties. The S.E.N is going to be a challenge already but getting them to say yes to that kind of school is going to be even greater and the problem with that is that all the school for that are Residential....a special school costs around £32,000 upwards and then you add another £20,000 for being a residential one....no wonder money is tight and funding to get anything is hard. £52,000 so that when my son turns 17 he is able to walk free, read and write properly and be emotionally and socially acceptable for stepping into the big wide world! Right now my son may be aged 10 but he is a 10 year old trapped in a 6 year old's body with the energy of a 18 year old, the attitude of a 19 year old, like a child with an ASBO ready to kick off if you even dare to look at him but at the same time trapped with a mind that is so scared of coming out and feeling pain and getting help he has locked himself away with his bottle of 'Ritalin', a car to play with and and the thought that he is lost forever........ www.AnimalAgentz.com http://darkangel6976.stumbleupon.com

Lost....

I wondered whether to write this but even though it is not something any parent would like others to know, I wondered if anyone else has experienced the same thing and if so-please contact me. Last Thursday I sat in my son's Headteacher's office and felt lost, I was stunned and felt to say the least a little sick, what she had told me had made me question Kaine's sanity. We know pretty much what our children could be capable of-I guess if a teacher tells me my son had broken someone's arm, it wouldn't surprise me, if I was informed my son had smashed a window that wouldn't alarm me....you see my son is going or now possibly gone to a place where no-one can help him, he too is lost. We thought that Kaine may want to do an after school activity-the Arts Club, so we allowed him to go and we thought all was well that faithfull Wednesday night as he came out and all was quiet. Then Thursday afternoon came and a meeting with the headteacher changed all that. My son while he was at Arts Club had decided to take a young man's lunch box which had food still in it, he not only did this but he took it into the toilet with him but it didn't stop there......my son, well, my son put the food and the lunch box down the toilet and then...pooed all over it! Yes you heard me right. My son did it....I sat there with this blank expression on my face unable to comprehend what I had just heard. Stealing a lunch box is one thing, puting into the toilet is another but having a poo on it goes well beyond human comprehension. My son is disturbed, my son has gone to a point where I have no idea what he will do now, they say he is confused, angry, depressed...but this, this is way more than that, this is well I don't know what this is! The headteacher was shocked when she was told on the Thursday and when she asked him why he said he did it but didn't know why. My son isn't sexually active an so it isn't one of those sexual 'get off's' you hear about (people do strnge things where sex is involved-faeces is one of them but that's another area for a psychologist!!). This is so odd..no odd isn't the right word...I don't even know what the right word is except to say..shit my son is really screwed up! No parent wants to admit this to a world wide audience but there are times when you have to say help...has anyone else heard of this at all. I did not bring my son up to do this, this is not my fault. He has been abandoned by his biological father and this has made him detached and aggressive, he feels uncomfortable and threatened by his sister, he is mad at me because I have kept the same rules and consequencs inhis life and he is kicking back that others let him off and give him an excuse and I say no this is not acceptable, he hates me because I don't allow him to use his disability as an excuse to attack others. He is frustrated at school because he is struggling and I am still pushing for help and a Statement.....but this isn't right, there is no explanantion as to why. He didn't have a grudge against the lad, they didn't fall out, he wasn't hungry and then dropped it all down the toilet. What the hell is going on in his head to make a 10 year old do this sort of act! I have no answers. I am simply Lost.... www.AnimalAgentz.com http://darkangel6976.stumbleupon.com