Woohoo we got lift off!!!

So on 26th January 2008 marked a day that has been long awaited for nearly 3 years! It was the all important Panel Meeting for the Local Education Authority to decide whether to give a Statement of Educational Needs! A written report that could either break or make my son's education! A report that would help him with a life of educational awareness or a life with little or no prospects! So here's me wondering how it went and wanting to know the answer but having so much doubt through years of having others stand in my son's way that I dare not even call them to ask that question 'did we get the SEN?' So yesterday our SENCO asked us if we had contacted them and of course I said the above! At 10.30am I saw my phone ring and my heart thought-what has he done now but to my amazement it was or SENCO telling us the best news we had ever had in a long time-no more fighting, no more what ifs. We were awarded full time hours with dinnertime support included! We got Support level M-this is level 1 band-the highest band level they give out! The highest Support level is an N and this is only given to deaf/blind or children with physical needs so we were very elated! I expected to get a SEN but with the possibility of having to fight for more hours or dinner time support so to receive the full whack was truly amazing. Our school and it's staff have been more than supportive, they have been our life line to push for so much support and to pay out of their own budget the support (1-2-1) that he already gets-that's how badly he needed the support. They have kept him from small exclusions as they have had a great understanding of what the impact of this would have, they have bent the rules and taken on extra care with the loving care that a parent would give to a child and I am with high admiration for the forward thinking they have done to help my son. The SENCO sat and prepared several reports and we were turned down the first time the school requested a SEN-they said he hadn't had chance to settle into his new school! She submitted 5 years of evidence to prove that he needs a SEN. The previous school were against us requesting a SEN and then they decided to not support all the right papers so it was turned down! But now we move forward, now we can take care of his education once we can find a suitable school that can offer him specific emotional and behavioural support. His psychologist says he is unable to access his education due to emotional and behavioural difficulties so our next step is to ask for a specific school-this is our next challenge and one that has a time limit on.....15 days! A mainstream school can support certain children and even one that has extra Transition facilities but a mainstream school is for educational purposes and education is pretty much not at the forefront of him right now! We need specialist support and that doesn't happen in our local area-2 LEA school are way to far for us even though one would be fantastic for meeting his needs! The other is a school that is close but for severely disabled children and wouldn't take him. That leaves us with the problem of Independent run schools and Continuum Schools and of course some Special Schools-none of which are in our LEA area! The challenge will be to convince the LEA to send him to a school that is able to deal with the issues he has. I intend to make sure we get a written report from the psychologist saying what he has said because guess what....he forgot to mention that in the report that he sent to the SEN team! I guess there are a few tweaks that needs ironing but the only way is up and the worst that can happen is that he goes to a mainstream school! Hmmm-fight first before I let him go there!

To the week ahead!

So it's been one hell of a week, meetings, red cards at school as he has been 'unruly' and even the unexpected turn from his bio father! Yeah we will see how long that lasts! So tomorrow the panel decide whether he deserves an Statement of Educational Needs-this means if they say yes he will be guaranteed help within a school setting and this is decided by law. We may be lucky and get full hours or we may have to fight again for full hours or to make sure he gets dinnertime support or even support at play time!This has been a long time coming and nerves are setting in, the same with respite-it's given to us but will we be told they can't find anyone in our area-my dad has informed me that his (then) wife who was a social worker used to take children to their respite carer's so he knows that social services do offer this support! seems ironic how a woman I never got on with is now helping me inadvertently with a situation we have strived for for many years! He has started cubs with the support worker and we have the Family Fund papers here to sort out and also his Disability Living Allowance forms came-they always give you months to fill them in....have you seen those bluddy forms! lol We got told also on Friday that a meeting has been set up with the respite social worker and the psychologist and us at the social workers venue-hmmm trust is an issue and so we are hoping to take a 3rd party witness with us! How sad it is that I can't trust the people that are supposed to be helping, seems I have fought them for so long I am weary of everything they say now-not something I like or want as I know that some social workers strive to help families but the ones we have had dealing with our case have built brick walls and us and other agencies have had to complain and move the mountains!I used to have so much admiration for them and in my younger days I too went to college hoping to go to University to become a Social Worker-I wanted to make sure that I could help those in need to, to help them the way my 1st social worker helped me.....red tape gets in the way and people suffer in the process, how sad that is when I guess most people set out to be great social workers and want to really change people's lives for the better but as time goes by I see those people change and it's just a job that pays the mortgage-the buzz they got fades and with it so does their emotional feelings!I am tired though....seems I have spent most of his life fighting for him and he has given me even more grief for doing so!I am at the point where I am thinking about all the good things I can do without him for those precious weekends he will be at respite....I wonder if that is a bad thing to admit or just a human things to reveal.So this week will prove to be interesting and hopefully productive.

Alas I see light!

So here you are thinking oh my word what has happened now!I am or should I say my life has twists you wouldn't believe and my life story would be like reading a well written novel by the most interesting of story lines and depressing moments a person could endure in 6 life times!So yesterday morning i am sat with my husband and daughter in the head teacher's office being told opps we forgot to tell you we were having a meeting about him and his Pastoral Support plan and those who were due to be present weren't able to-turned out ok as I just ended up saying life is a mess and I wonder when it will get sorted....okay okay it was more intense and complex and long but thought I'd give you a break n shorten it!An hour later I get a phone call and the man that screwed up our Core Assessment in 07 tells me he would like to visit and when I ask why as Social Services blew us away months ago he utters the words I have wanted to hear for about 2 years......'we have decided to give you respite twice a week from Friday until Sunday...'Oh I didn't know as no one told us, I say in a shocked yet child like surprise! He then decides t make the mistake and tell me that we only just asked for respite to me being me put him straight-erm no it was asked for by the psychologist on 8th October last year!Ahh is his reply well I only just got told so thought I would ring you.The carrot is dangled in front of our faces as I get increasingly excited....(drum roll if you please)'But as you have no transport and you will have to take him there and pick him up it may take us some time for us to be able to find a suitable family nearby 'WHALLOP! He then went on to say that he didn't know how long it would be or if there was a waiting list-I didn't let it phase me (well not then anyway) so i just said hey I am happy that you have agreed it and that's good enough for me.I told my husband with elation and then my brother and had a happy smile for hours! My husband then came up with a brilliant plan-we have to go to a neighbouring town every Friday so if they say they can't cos there is no one in home town then they can look at neighbouring town and even the town after that as we are almost there when we are in our neighbouring town....we aren't going to tell them this until they try squirming their way out of finding us a place!As we were dropping off the details about the ADHD group we do, we were already in the Action for Children shop (formerly NCH) it prompted another brainwave with my husband and when he got home he looked on their website and they too come under BAAF-an organisation I belong to which for anyone to do with Fostering (I privately fostered my step daughter for a short time in 04/05 when Social Services needed her away and safe in an emergency-miss her even now)....On the website it gave a list of all organisations that help our council find suitable foster family even for demanding children-hey presto we will shove that in their face too when he comes on Tuesday!It is a sad fact that the only reason we finally received this good news due to our very determined Head teacher that rang and rang and rang every 2 days since January to pursue several demands about this and indeed pursue the complaints that had been issued with plenty of ammo as to why we dearly need specialist therapeutic respite care. It is tragic that people have to complain and go over manager's head when the manager has a personal grudge against my family and would not move a piece of paper as to make sure it went to the correct people-bitter people make mistakes and she has made her last!So a final result with only a few teething problems.We also were told by the Action for Children that they have secured a support worker for him so he cans tart cubs on Tuesday! A 6 month wait we had and now he can go forward and enjoy a social life bless him-this way they know how to stop him reacting and intervene before he gets kicked out!And then another call to our home insurance company that made a blunder and as a way to apologise they have given us 2 months free!And last but not least I have been able to secure a property for my evicted brother and Boston Mayflower who specialise in making sure people with mental health issues can live independently and happy are getting involved and taking some strain off me-this meeting takes place on Monday!So you thought as you started to read this-get the tissues ready...put them away!This is a joyous time and even though he is a pain in the backside and still his usual self-I turn away and think-hey sometime in the future we will be getting that respite so hang in there lass-think about that weekend when you can just breathe and just be normal and relax! I wish you all well.

Well that was a start to the new school day!

So his clothes were ready, his coat was clean and he had new gloves to keep his fingers warm. You would think that things would be easier as all he had to do was get out of bed and get dressed-simple I hear you say! He got out of bed quite easily and used the bathroom-not sure if he actually got a wash but at least we heard no screams at the beginning. He came downstairs dressed and in what appeared to be an ok mood at about 8:25am-bear in mind we woke him up at 7.30am! he took his tablets before coming downstairs so they were happily kicking into his system. Then as he is eating his breakfast he starts to get silly and messes about with our daughter who is sat happily in her highchair after eating her breakfast. I didn't get angry I just asked him to eat his breakfast and stop playing with his sister as she didn't want to, I pointed out that if he was going to play that this signalled he had finished and if he didn't want to loose the tv or playstation he should eat his breakfast and obey the rules that we have-all this was in a calm manner. He finishes his breakfast and then proceeds to throw himself all over the kitchen floor and screech and scream at the top of his voice, he is warned. He then decides to really upset his sister and make her eyes water as he threatens to annoy her and she gets rather upset so he is bluntly told off and told to leave the room if he can't act sensibly! He walks out of the room slamming the door and shouting and screaming like a banshee! Then here we go again-slamming doors, shouting, swearing, calling names, in and out of the kitchen throwing himself around-we deem this as attention seeking behaviour so ignore it and he walks away. He decides to throw his trainer on the floor and throw his gloves down as if he was a 5 year old having a tantrum! He will run to school and not go in-he says. He's going to get a gun and shoot me, he will take a knife and stab us all! Ahh that's the lad we have come to know! Here we go again-gets up and all is well and then he just becomes his usual self-aggressive, uncompromising and an utter silly boy with a 16 year old attitude. He runs straight across the road-heaven forbid if a car was coming, all the way to school he is flagging us off with his fingers and shaking his bum at us and being a loud mouth yob that all the people can see and hear! He even flags us off in front of parents that are standing near while we wait to take him into school and the evil glares he gives us as we walk him to class with all the other parents and children. His teacher comes over for a chat and as she calls him into class he flags us off again and she looks at us and we look at her and she knows, she isn't shocked anymore just as we aren't shocked by the blantant way we have to put up with his emotional abuse and threats that usual end up by him having a bad day at school and yet another pupil becomes the victim of his attacks or his support teacher-poor woman. I come home and again rant about if he was a man I would have disowned him by now but we are just supposed to put up with the daily onslaught of abuse, emotional upset and aggressive behaviour and why-just because he is a boy. If I was blond would that mean I am allowed to forget to turn the cooker off! If I was having a bad hair day would I get away with attacking a person in public! If I was 7 and vandalised a car because I didn't like the colour would I not get told off! Age is a funny thing. As an adult who suffered emotional abuse from her partner I was told by several people that I didn't have to put up with it and I should leave.... So why as an adult if a boy does even worse do people give the excuse he is just a boy! Shall we wait until he again attacks another pupil, shall we wait until he has broken a car as he walks past and hits/kicks it-he has done all this and we still hear but he is only a boy!

Hello to 2009, ceeya to 2008!

So I was glad to see the back of 2008! Am awaiting something good to happen in 2009 because it's about time it did! Saying goodbye to the cruelness that life has brought my family to the depths of despair and the worries that ended with sleepless nights... Saying come on in to the wonders of 2009 and the joys it should bring! People are odd creatures and children are wonderfully intriguing but underneath all the simple things a child brings into your life-the depths of them can be rather revealing. I smile when I shouldn't and I cry when I can, I shout and scream as loud as any known man but it's all in my head-the turmoil I'm in because I can't understand the complexities of this one little man. My daughter is blissfully unaware of any chaos he creates, she smiles happily all day unless her tooth aches! He is the opposite of everything he should be and the nasty side of him didn't come from me! I watch him carefully when he plays sweetly and talks to himself so peacefully... Then fire errupts and the turmoil begins. This year we should have so many answers, so many people who still can't aggree with what to do with this little person. They talk and talk and then disagree that it makes me all wonder if they are actually working for me! So I can only look forward, don't want to look back. Been to the depths of despair and uncntrolled grief for the little boy who makes a mockery of me. So here's to the life, the life we should have and heaven forbid if it all goes bad!